It's Back, but Better.
This is not a blog that has a goal to tell you the right way to date. I’m presently single, so that feels hypocritical. It’s about turning 30. It's about a woman never wondering, "what if?" because she's tried almost everything.
Ladies, did you know there's an easy trick on the iPhone to verify your friendship with someone? It's called 50:50 Text Ratio. Tell me if this is your life. Pick a good friend and go to the little "i button" in the top right-hand corner of your text chain and see if your images shared back and forth consist of the following:
- 50% are images of clothes, the latest skin care products because we're 30 (What serum do you use again? Is retinol a good idea?), and images for your Instagram- specifically in the new life changing "Portrait Mode"
- 50%, the most important, are screenshots of convos with men in our lives that we just can’t seem to figure out
My good friends share lots of screenshots. All women share lots of screenshots. That’s kind of how my life has always been. Lots of dating and screenshots with the inability to pick just one. The guys I like, are never ready to settle down. The guys that like me, are thoughtful and amazing, but I just can't....
I'm a self-titled hopeless romantic with commitment issues.
6 years ago I started a love blog, Twenty Waves. Literally, it was a sea of thoughts around being in your twenties, and the ups and downs that went with them. Like any twenty-something-year-old, the good came with the bad, and if I had to pick two words that summed up the majority of my decade I'd say "fun" I mean alcohol, and "things not going my way and I'm so happy they didn't" aka personal growth. Regardless, it was all (in my unbiased opinion), pretty fun.
I wrote about a romantic date with a Brazilian model who wrote me a love poem. How I once liked a guy and got talked into skydiving when I can barely board a plane without a Xanax. My favorite - falling in “lust” for a British prince. And then about real shit like getting dumped or quitting your job because you’re an entitled millennial.
But then life went on, I got distracted, advanced my career, and gave it all up.
A few jobs and three cities later I’m in New York - the heart of where the most famous romantic stories on television, movie screens, or storylines on your kindle happen. It’s called THE city because it really is.
What does Thirty Waves mean?
It’s not a blog that has a goal to tell you the right way to date. I’m presently single, so that feels hypocritical. Honestly, I'd sometimes suggest to listen to my stories and do the opposite of whatever I did that left me writing in my bed blogging about it.
Nevertheless, I've always been a pretty epic storyteller/gathered epic stories, and Thirty Waves results from that. It's a blog about navigating your thirties and hearing too good not to share stories and musings that go with them.
It’s about learning what it's like to have taken the route you've perhaps always wondered, “what if” I had done that instead? It's about taking the path that wasn't the easiest or most comfortable - but pushing yourself to do so. My life has been full of what if’s, successes, and lots of failures.
Or really, a better word for it is choices. Success, in my opinion, results from active choices you make to better your life. Sadly, I witness a lot of thirty or twenty-something-year-olds make active choices that do not better their lives but feel easy.
At 25, I recognized I was living in an unhappy situation and got the audacity to pack up my entire life for an adventure in California. I entered a new city with a few acquaintances and a few boxes of clothing (I'll admit, it was mostly to get over a breakup). I've been on 100 dates. Wined and dined. Flown to exotic places. Traveled around the world. Had one night stands, mini romances (many of them), and a few true loves. Moved to Europe when everyone told me it was impossible. I've now created strong networks and life-long friends in Seattle, San Francisco, London and New York.
Sometimes I joke I'm a wounded zebra, a naturally socially anxious creature falling around its own feet. Believe me when I say all of this was hard at first, but I pushed myself to do it.
On the career front, I found out exactly what it was like to get unexpectedly fired, but then to get a dream job. I worked in tech, developed a fashion app, and most recently a dating app. Note: I still have no clue what I want to do with my life.
Everything about my twenties and early thirties has been about experiences and I'm grateful to have more than a lifetime's worth already.
To be utterly heartbroken, a dozen times. I'm talking, listening to Florence and the Machine crying in my bed with the blinds down sad. Falling out of touch with best friends, and unable to get them back on track. To not have a bunch of savings because I’ve bought way too many clothes and plane tickets. To stay in an unhealthy relationship for way too long. And keep going back.
Why am I not ready for that to happen yet, when it seems as though everyone else on my social media feed is?
Are you a "what if?" girl too?
Maybe you're a what if girl yourself. You’re also trying to figure out why your life isn’t so settled. Maybe you’re even looking for some courage not to settle. To break up with that guy you love, but are not in love with anymore... and you worry it's too late to start all over. If you want to hear someone else’s story to give you reassurance that timelines in life don’t always work out the way we’ve planned, and that’s okay. Lastly, want to identify with funny dating stories or everyday anxieties you have but don’t always talk about.
Whoa. I never thought about it that way.
A 31-year-old single woman in 2018 doesn’t have a mold she’s supposed to fit into. No one has the answers or prescription to tell her how to be happy. There isn't a role-model or character that's chosen this new path, except for the fictional Carrie Bradshaw. While I have her beachy hair, curious personality, and ironically have loved a man named Aidan who was really my BIG, I promise to not throw in too many SATC references.
Here's a crazy thought:
Your years after that, are mostly dedicated to someone else's.
This blog is about being a woman in her 30’s that’s just extended this amount of time. Imagine, for the first time in history, women have an extra 10 years to entirely live for themselves, and instead of 25, you get married at 35 without regrets.
I’m not coming up with innovative concepts. I’m just rephrasing them to make more sense to me, and hopefully, more sense to you.
And if anything, just to tell you a few crazy stories along the way because my friends and mom are tired of me talking about them.