The Secrets of Thirty Waves
How i learned my secrets for 30-somethings on dating, beauty, fashion, and new york.
Did you know there's an easy trick on the iPhone to verify your friendship with someone? It's called 50:50 Text Ratio:
Pick a good friend and go to the little "i button" in the top right-hand corner of your text chain and see if your images shared back and forth consist of the following:
50% are images of clothes, the latest skin care products because we're 30 (What serum do you use again? Is retinol a good idea?), and images for your Instagram- specifically in the new life changing "Portrait Mode"
50%, the most important, are screenshots of convos with men in our lives that we just can’t seem to figure out
My good friends share lots of screenshots. All of us share lots of screenshots. That’s kind of how my life has always been. Lots of dating and screenshots with the inability to find “the one.”
Whether that included life hacks (such as finding the best hair cut in NYC that’s only $40), to amazing beauty tips (my best friend is a celebrity make-up artist), the best anti-aging skin care routine, or know how-to-style just about any trend.
I’m not claiming to be the cool girl.
Yes, sometimes I can be the life of the party, but other times, I’m most anxious-socially-awkward person in the room.
Deep down, I’m just another thirty-something trying to figure it all out.
my fate of being a storyteller.
This is a blog and podcast that echoes the exact conversations, thoughts, and feelings you’re having in your thirties (or maybe you’re almost there) that you’re already talking about or want to talk about.
I also happen to LOVE love and always seem to have a new dating experience to discuss and analyze.
From being ghosted by a real guy named Casper, to asking men around the globe why they really stop texting you, to “dating” a Pop Star…or telling you about the best date I’ve ever had.
I thought I “wanted” to settle down before thirty, but for whatever reason, fate has chosen a different path…one of a storyteller.
The guys I like are never ready to settle down. The guys that like me, are thoughtful and amazing, but I just…can’t. Sound familiar?
I'm a millennial that won’t settle and a self-titled hopeless romantic with commitment issues.
How it started
My independent journey really started when I turned 25. I recognized I was living in an unhappy situation and got the audacity to pack up my entire life for an adventure in California. I entered a new city with only a few acquaintances (and a few boxes of clothing). I'll admit, it was mostly to get over a breakup. Then, a lot of new things started happening.
Six years ago I started a love blog, Twenty Waves. Literally, it was a sea of thoughts around being in your twenties, and the ups and downs that went with them. If I had to pick two words that summed up the majority of that decade I'd say "fun" (I mean alcohol) and "things not going my way” aka personal growth.
I wrote about a romantic date with a Brazilian model who wrote me a love poem. How I once liked a guy and got talked into skydiving when I can barely board a plane without a Xanax. My favorite - was falling in “lust” for a British Prince. And then I wrote about real shit like getting dumped or quitting your job because you’re an entitled millennial. But then life went on, I focused on my career, and gave it all up.
A few jobs and three cities later I’m back at it.
I’m in New York and in the heart of where the most famous romantic stories on television, movie screens, or storylines on your kindle happen. It’s called THE city because it really is.
What does Thirty Waves mean?
In terms of relationships, I’m not here to tell you the the right way to date. I’m presently single, so that feels hypocritical. Honestly, I'd sometimes suggest to listen to my stories and do the opposite of whatever I did that left me writing in my bed blogging about it.
Nevertheless, I've gathered epic stories and Thirty Waves results from that. It's a blog about navigating your thirties (the waves of going up and down) and reading stories and musings that are too good not to share.
A better word for success is choice.
“Success” results from active choices you make to better your life. Sadly, I witness a lot of thirty or twenty-something-year-olds make active choices because they’re easy.
From afar, my life can sometimes looks insta-perfect. I've been on 100+ dates. Wined and dined. Flown to exotic places. Traveled around the world. Had one night stands, mini romances (many of them), and a few true loves. I moved to Europe when everyone told me it was impossible. I've now created strong networks and life-long friends in Seattle, San Francisco, London and New York.
The reality is, it’s definitely not. Sometimes I joke I'm a wounded zebra, a naturally socially anxious creature falling around its own feet. So much of what I've done was hard at first, but I pushed myself to move forward.
On the career front, I found out exactly what it was like to get unexpectedly fired, but then to get a dream job. I worked in tech, developed a fashion app, and most recently a dating app.
Everything about my twenties and early thirties has been about experiences and I'm grateful to have more than a lifetime's worth already to share with you.
Note: I still have no clue what I want to do with my life.
I've experienced very real emotions that almost all 30-somethings have; regardless of where you live or what your lifestyle is. Human emotions are universal.
I’ve been utterly heartbroken, a dozen times. I'm talking, listening to Florence and the Machine crying in my bed with the blinds down sad. Know what it's like to fall out of touch with best friends, and unable to get them back on track. To not have a bunch of savings because I’ve bought way too many clothes and plane tickets. Or lastly, to stay in an unhealthy relationship for way too long.
Why am I not ready for that to happen yet, when it seems as though everyone else on my social media feed is?
Are you wondering why?
Maybe you're also trying to figure out why your life isn’t so settled. Maybe you’re even looking for some courage not to settle? To break up with that guy you love, but are not in love with anymore... and you worry it's too late to start all over. If you want to hear stories that’ll give you reassurance that timelines in life don’t always work out the way we’ve planned, and that’s okay, you’re in the right spot.
Whoa. I never thought about it that way.
A 31-year-old single woman in 2018 doesn’t have a mold she’s supposed to fit into. No one has the answers or prescription to tell her how to be happy.
There isn't a role-model or character that's chosen this new path, except for the fictional Carrie Bradshaw. While I have her beachy hair, curious personality, blog out of a small East Village apartment, and ironically have loved a man named Aidan who I hoped was my BIG, I promise to not throw in too many SATC references.
Here's a crazy thought:
Your years after that are mostly dedicated to someone else's.
This blog is about being a woman in her 30’s that’s just extended this amount of time. Imagine, for the first time in history, women have an extra 10 years to entirely live for themselves, and instead of 25, you get married at 35 without regrets.
I’m not coming up with innovative concepts. I’m just rephrasing them to make more sense to me, and hopefully, more sense to you.
And if anything, just to tell you a few crazy stories along the way because my friends, mom, and bodega man are tired of me talking about them.