5 Red Flags You’re Wasting Time
Your loss, babe.
Our gut is 99% percent right when it comes to knowing if someone is really into you.
If you’re having doubts, then you’re probably ignoring the MAIN RED FLAGS in a doomed relationship and are wasting your time.
My number one dating motto is this: Don’t take more than two weeks of emotional purgatory wondering and analyzing whether or not he/she likes you. You should typically know by then.
Let’s start a countdown with the 5 Biggest Red Flags that’ll help you decipher if someone is really into you:
5. You’re sending screenshots to friends.
If you’re consulting a friend because you’re afraid of “messing it all up” by saying the wrong thing, at this point, you’ve already lost. If one text holds your entire potential on the line, then there probably isn’t anything hanging there in the first place.
Pro Tip: Text someone as if they’re your co-worker…you’re friendly and sometimes witty…but you’re NOT trying too hard or looking for their approval. You’re confident and CAN’T give two f*cks if you’re not the most perfectly curated human in a blue bubble.
4. They aren’t in the same place in life.
You start noticing timing is off. They are years behind or ahead of where you want to be. They might mention long-term things that don’t involve a partner, or have short-term plans that freak you out.
I wish I could claim this quote, but it’s spot on with this:
“men are like taxi cabs”
SATC explains it:
“Men are like cabs, when they’re available their light goes on. They awake one day and decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. Next woman they pickup, boom, that' s the one they'll marry. It's not fate, its dumb luck.”
The window for finding someone in the same place as you in rush hour traffic
millenial dating
is pretty slim. You can't force someone to share a ride uptown if they're not ready. Pay close attention to how they communicate their present and future goals.
I just dated a
child
guy that was in a very different emotional place. He had a lack of follow through and self-awareness, had never been in a serious relationship (and didn't communicate any future plans to be in one), had two roommates, and stories from high-school were constantly brought up. I didn't see any of this changing in the near future.
While we had an amazing human connection in terms of conversation and outside interests, he wasn't the mature thirty-something guy I'm looking for...so I had to "THANK YOU, NEXT."
3. They’re “SORRY reallyYY busy” and they also don’t suggest an alternative hangout
People make time to see and talk to who they want. Whether you’re a CEO or Sales Exec, you’re never too busy to text someone you’re SUPER INTO within a few hour time frame.
Also, schedules can and will be re-arranged if you’re both in the same city. We all have the occasional jam packed Monday-Sunday week. However, if someone is truly interested they’ll cancel their weekly yoga date or watching the game to explore a new love interest.
Pro Tip: If they cancel/re-schedule and don’t set another time in place, then it’s pretty clear you’re not on their priority list.
2. Change in Text patterns
This one is key. You went from texting like nerds about your current obsession on Netflix - getting quick response times - to a noticeable communication shift.
Texting patterns go from easy to press send TO difficult to decipher.
If you notice they start taking much longer to respond, and sentences turn to short statements… to only one word answers…to half-day response times…to getting an answer the next day….they’ve totally lost interest.
Pro Tip: Also notice YOUR texting actions. The minute you start playing the game of waiting “just as long to text back”, you switch to defense and lose control of who scores next.
1. They’re all talk.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RED FLAG OF ALL TIME…their actions don’t follow their words.
Maybeeee they are texting and flirting with you a ton. Maybe they’ll send you their favorite song or a snapshot/video of what they’re doing.. you’re new texting besties and lovers!
BEWARE. If they’re not making plans to see you, throw the towel in.
Even if they’re communicating with you every day, the effort put into texting or calling is minimal when it comes to connecting in person. Don’t get caught up with the amount of communication or the words said, focus on the most important part…are they taking action to see you?
Summary
Overall, a relationship will move in a good direction when things aren’t stressful. You won’t be questioning motives or texts.
Constantly playing a mental chess game to win them over is exhausting and rarely leads to check “mate.”
When things are going well it’s a “feeling.”
I know you’ve felt it before with someone that did work out (at least for a little bit). So get back to finding those good vibes and drop the guy/girl dropping red flags.
Bonus points.
They are BRAND NEW moving to a city; especially New York.
They only talk to you on the weekends or after 9pm
They recently broke up with someone (like in the past month)
Your gut tells you they are only there for sex
They don’t ask you questions about your upbringing (aka have no clue how many siblings you have)
They flee the scene after sex (don’t spend the night) OR don’t text you the next day after you have sex
They get more secretive with their schedule